February 20th-28th

February 20^th- 28^th

Read at Sam’s Place in Boro on Wednesday night, to plug Hardcore. Again, I had to keep it clean. I had to read first this time, as it was Chris Searle’s launch. Boro is a funny place for me, I have only read there three times. There seems to be this whole is she a Boro poet or Newcastle poet attitude, I think the poets in Boro think of me as a Newcastle poet, and the poets in Newcastle see me as a Boro poet. Nobody wants to take responsibility! Don’t blame ‘em! So I don’t get asked to read in Boro, unless Andy or Bob are doing an event. Last year was the first time I have really read there, and I was so nervous, more nervous than usual, because that whole hometown thing is difficult. It is like they know. Don’t ask me what, but they do. Maybe I worry they will dislike me for leaving the town they love. Truth is I don’t think I’d ever have been writing if I stayed in Middlesbrough, I think I had to go away and be anonymous to do it. You know, sort of no pressure to do well, but also none of those people who have known you as being bad at stuff to expecting you to fail. I would have still written, but would never have taken it out of the house I think. The gig was Ok, I felt very quiet in comparison to Chris Searle, who was one of those very authoritative male readers, you know the type, who sound so right reading poetry, so confident and well spoken that you always feel like you are being made to stand up in an assembly at school. I wished I was a man, so I could be louder and clearer. I wished I was posh and had no regional accent- which is funny, since this was a gig at Middlesbrough. I got through it though, and I hope it was OK. I realized that the whole class and region thing leaves my mind when I read with the Finns, which is wonderful, and so rare. I was the only woman reading at most of the gigs when the Finns were here, so I guess I could concentrate on that chip on my shoulder instead. I didn’t wish I was a man this time though, I think it had something to do with what I was reading.

On Friday night I read at the tower again. This time it was John Hegley’s gig, and Connie had phoned me out of the blue and asked if I would read. I have no idea how she got my number, since it is rare I give it out. Only about three writers have it. It is even more unusual I answered my phone actually. Either way, that’s how it happened. Shaun came up and we did some poems with guitar. I’m so glad he came, as he is such a pleasure to work with. All week I was struggling with what to read, part of me thinking I should go back and do some of the cheerier more performancey poems in Unholy Trinity, and part of me wanting to do newer stuff, not try to be funny just to fit in. In the end my compromise was to read one old poem, and the rest were stuff from Sex with Elvis and Hardcore. I figured I’d be better off just doing what I do, since to be honest even if I read funny poems it’s not as if people will laugh like they do to John Hegley. He has something very likeable about him that audiences respond to I think, even when he does some of the poems I think are actually sad poems about his childhood people laugh. I am always so odd at gigs, people there I have met before have am so bad at speaking to. I spoke to three people at this gig, managed to piss off Paul Batchelor by saying "Nice coat. Looks warm. You look like a policeman." See this is why I'm not allowed to talk to people. So I didn’t attempt to do anything but do my poems. For the first time ever someone came up after and asked if I had a CD which they could buy, which I don’t, but still, it’s nice to be asked. That phrase sort of summarises the whole night really.

So far this blog is misleading, it looks as if I am reading all the time, and going out. But the truth is I have done more readings in the beginning of this year than I did in total last year, which I suppose is shocking, given Sex with Elvis came out last year. People just don’t seem to ask that much. And that’s before Hardcore; imagine how unpopular I’ll be with the ‘spunk’?